You never have? But it's a classic, sir!! I- I'll have to find a way to show you sometime! They censor it when it's on tv, that's all!
[He sweats ]
Wow, this.... This artistic scene is really pushing it! But I'm sure the real samurai action will kick in any... any moment now. [He blinks.] Wh-what is with that moaning? Is... Is he hurt?!
( Damn it all. Despite this being perhaps the least arousing situation he has ever found himself in, he's not completely unaffected by said moaning, especially when he recalls the actions taking place on the screen.
This world has completely scrambled his brains, but not nearly as much as Gumshoe's.
[Gumshoe's already pretty red himself, as he searches for the remote.]
Of course it will, pal!! This... clearly, this must be some weird scene that was left in the movie on accident. It- it really shoulda been trimmed down or censored! That's what my detective instincts tell me. So we should just skip on past this part, and then you'll see that- that this should be an ordinary exciting thrilling movie! J-just like the Steel Samurai!
( This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. How did he not foresee the flaws in this plan? He wants to bolt to his bedroom and leave Gumshoe to his independent verification.
But that's perhaps an even worse idea. Instead, he crosses his arms. )
( Sensing Gumshoe's ineptitude, Edgeworth dives towards the television, dislodging his pillow in the process. Attempts to find its manual power button prove futile, and he ends up half-hugging the device, as though that might help to muffle the sound. )
( The remote somehow manages to fall upon its volume button, amplifying the sounds of rampant intercourse occurring all around them.
Edgeworth's certain he had a nightmare like this once. If only he didn't have a roommate, he would certainly run out of the apartment and never enter it again. Burn the place down, if he must!
Truly, it's only the thought of having to explain the situation to Charles that keeps him rooted on the spot, trying to drown out the noise and find a solution to the problem.
( Except he's clearly not. After a moment of panicked indecision, he makes a dive for the television, smashing a large fist against the slot in which he'd entered the DVD.
Thank god the detective had opted for physical media.
[He's panicked, but he tries to cheer him on! Clearly violence must be the answer! So he tries to get the remote again - and this time tries to stomp it into pieces!]
( Good work, Detective, Edgeworth thinks, but does not say. Maybe he'll remember to tell the other man later, but probably not. He is only human after all.
With one last slam of his fist, the screen blanks and quiets with one final noisy pop and after several moments of simply starting at the scene before him, Edgeworth turns to look at Gumshoe in stunned silence. )
Aw... but that vendor said his movies were the only ones that'd blow my world...! [He frowns as he rubs his head some more.]
I'm sorry, sir. I just wanted to give you a special present, a-and it ended up like this. Deduct my pay as much as you want, sir!! [He's just used to it being that way.]
The detective had meant well, despite how bumbling his attempts had been. )
You do realize I have no jurisdiction over your pay here?
( For the better or the worse. He crosses his arms over his chest. )
I think you should leave.
( It's not because Edgeworth's mad (for once), but because this situation they've created for themselves is so unfathomably awkward. More softly, he adds: )
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prismatica)
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[He sweats ]
Wow, this.... This artistic scene is really pushing it! But I'm sure the real samurai action will kick in any... any moment now. [He blinks.] Wh-what is with that moaning? Is... Is he hurt?!
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This world has completely scrambled his brains, but not nearly as much as Gumshoe's.
Not that the detective had many to begin with.
Edgeworth's fists are clenched as he mutters: )
Does he truly sound pained to you?
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...N-no, I guess not. [It's like he's trying to process something.]
It doesn't sound like it hurts. It kinda... It kinda... It kinda sounds like...
...like...
...like he's enjoying it?
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More popcorn falls everywhere. How had Gumshoe managed to get it into every nook and cranny of his apartment? )
Indeed, Detective, indeed. Now, why in the world do you think he might be enjoying it?
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[He says blankly, as he tries to process this.]
Maybe! Maybe he's just not a good actor, pal? [He rubs at his head uncertainly. Then he spills some more popcorn as he reaches for the remote.]
A-actually, why don't we just fast forward a bit? I bet things'll be a lot better when we get to the main action!
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Do you really think that will help?!
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Of course it will, pal!! This... clearly, this must be some weird scene that was left in the movie on accident. It- it really shoulda been trimmed down or censored! That's what my detective instincts tell me. So we should just skip on past this part, and then you'll see that- that this should be an ordinary exciting thrilling movie! J-just like the Steel Samurai!
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But that's perhaps an even worse idea. Instead, he crosses his arms. )
Skip as much as you'd like.
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[Because that must be Edgeworth's priority right now.
Gumshoe locates the remote, skips ahead and - it leaves them right in the middle of some intense samurai-ninja orgy.]
Wh-what the heck?!
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I told you.
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S-sir. ...I think you mighta been onto something! This really does kinda seem like a... a porno!
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Turn it off, would you?!
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[The remote is suddenly slippery in his hands. As he tries to wrangle it, he ends up playing it with slowed down motion and heavily raised volume.]
Hang on, just... technical difficulties...!
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Detective, now!
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The image fades from the tv, and Gumshoe gives a relieved sigh. But only for a brief moment.
Because it seems he accidentally switched the tv to holo-mode. A life-sized hologram of the scene is now being projected around them!]
O-oh jeez!! [Gumshoe panics and covers his eyes, dropping the remote to the floor.]
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Edgeworth's certain he had a nightmare like this once. If only he didn't have a roommate, he would certainly run out of the apartment and never enter it again. Burn the place down, if he must!
Truly, it's only the thought of having to explain the situation to Charles that keeps him rooted on the spot, trying to drown out the noise and find a solution to the problem.
He blindly presses a button.
He hopes it's the right one. )
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...Before everything continues, but now with closed captioning, just as the button pressed calls for.]
Wh-what are you doing, sir?!
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( Except he's clearly not. After a moment of panicked indecision, he makes a dive for the television, smashing a large fist against the slot in which he'd entered the DVD.
Thank god the detective had opted for physical media.
He punches the device again. )
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[He's panicked, but he tries to cheer him on! Clearly violence must be the answer! So he tries to get the remote again - and this time tries to stomp it into pieces!]
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With one last slam of his fist, the screen blanks and quiets with one final noisy pop and after several moments of simply starting at the scene before him, Edgeworth turns to look at Gumshoe in stunned silence. )
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S-sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. It looks like it really was a porn after all. I knew I shoulda gone for "The Climax of the Samurai" instead...
[Because that sounds much better.]
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Whatever store you bought this from? I recommend staying away from it.
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I'm sorry, sir. I just wanted to give you a special present, a-and it ended up like this. Deduct my pay as much as you want, sir!! [He's just used to it being that way.]
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The detective had meant well, despite how bumbling his attempts had been. )
You do realize I have no jurisdiction over your pay here?
( For the better or the worse. He crosses his arms over his chest. )
I think you should leave.
( It's not because Edgeworth's mad (for once), but because this situation they've created for themselves is so unfathomably awkward. More softly, he adds: )
Let me deal with this mess.
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But then he frowns and slumps his shoulders at being told to leave - and attempts to protest.]
B-but Mr. Edgeworth! I can't just leave like this. At least let me clean up! It- it's the least I can do...!
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